Friday, August 04, 2006

I Spoke Too Soon

I’m stuck. Yesterday I spoke with my office and “how do you feel about Australia?” was a question that came up early in the conversation. “Great!” My lips were in the routine of accepting all assignments. My lips assumed that the rest of my body would be okay with the possibility of mobilizing to Australia.

My lips are my asset. They’re the one body part that earns me more money and credit than any other part. Some get paid to build with their hands, others get paid to run with their feet and I paid to talk with my lips. I trust my lips, they serve me well, but this time they may have spoken to soon and betrayed me.

After I got off the phone my organs started to take a vote about the possible trip to Australia. Minutes later there was mutiny within and my body spoke up and said “hey lips, but we don’t want to go to Australia. You think you know us? You don’t. Next time ask. I mean, we’ll go to Australia, but we’re not going to like it. But, as your loyal subjects we’ll take one for the team.” And then under their breath I heard “Ya know, Lips is such a fucking Diva. She’d be nowhere without us. But do you think she knows that? No. She just fires off and expects us to fall in line. Whatever.”

I listened to the debate happening inside my body and I was surprised. I don’t want to go to Australia? And, on somebody else’s dime? So I started to go down the list of other places I’d like to go to see if it was just Australia that was being rejected or had this “we don’t want to travel” attitude spread over other geographies? I ran the list: Egypt, Chile, The Grand Canyon, Puerto Rico, Reno etc. All locations gave me no excitement. All my organs just sat quietly like I was reading roll call at the front door of a gas chamber. My lips even sat still. Okay, now this is getting creepy. I’m a traveler who doesn’t feel like traveling. And if that’s true, what else do I do?

Without travel I’m lost. If I’m not recovering from one trip or planning the next my life feels strange. Like a big waiting room. Just waiting. Waiting for anything. And for the first time since I started my traveling job, I actually want to hang out in the waiting room.

Many of my travel and experiences in the past few years have been external. Observations and experiences in other cultures, both domestic and abroad that have resulted in an internal change of some sort. External triggering internal. And, my lips and organs have been perfectly happy earning money and supporting the Lancome dressed Diva.

But now, maybe the internal will trigger the external. Maybe some quiet time at home, with my domestic and genetic tribe will allow my lips and organs to rest so I can have an internal journey that will eventually trigger an external change. And there are lots of external projects that require some internal work. I’d give you a list but I’m sure you can imagine it. Everyone has one, and most of them look pretty similar person to person. You know, re-kindle stuff with spouse, loose some weight, work on my novel, etc…

So next time I get the question “how do you feel about X” I’ll make sure the Diva doesn’t’ speak too soon and first gets a vote from her roady organs. Because without her crew, her show doesn’t look that great. And that could damage her career more than a short sabbatical. I just have to relax and understand that just because I get off the road for a little while (two months or so) that doesn’t mean I can’t get back on. They say that life happens while you’re making plans. But if I’m not making travel plans, what other kind of plans are there? Maybe I’ll try to stay home for a while and find out. I’ll ask lips and organs and see what they think.

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